There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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