Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
