I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize