An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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