Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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