apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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