So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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