Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
