Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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