You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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