just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
