Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
