i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize