you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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