So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
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Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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