Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
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"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
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his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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