Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
