and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
