The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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