i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Your penis caused this!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
