in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Come see our sink grown plant.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
