Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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