My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
