im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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