So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize