There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
