We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize