I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
