what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
