Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
