man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
