Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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