Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
