you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
