Screwed.edu
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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