so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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