You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
