if i can run in heels then i can drive
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
