Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
