i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
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Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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