and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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