So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Two words: nipple clamps
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