You smell like a Billy Joel song
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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