My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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