Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
