i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
