is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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