So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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