My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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