He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
