You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
