it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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