just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
