apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
