Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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