she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
