Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
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