It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
