This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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